Put Into Practice - The Perceptual Process

As I said in my first blog post, I am a very shy person and not really comfortable making new friends. It takes a while to have a proper conversation with someone new. Unfortunately, I live in a student apartment where we, fifteen of us, share the same kitchen, pool and sitting room. Most times, I walk into one or two housemates but all i say is hi. A new guy moved into the room opposite the kitchen. He is an African American. Although I am black and from Africa, I see black Americans as a whole different kind of people. It is true that we all have the stereotypic feeling once in a while against other people. The most important thing is that we do not allow it influence our relationship with them.
I was in the kitchen one night making dinner when I first met this new guy. I was using the first two cooker plate while he took over the last two. I just started when he came, so I was really pissed I could not leave immediately to avoid any conversation. Anyway, he started by asking for my name. I am sure he saw it in my face as I answered reluctantly. I kept saying just yes and no to his questions with my face straight down. It was quiet for a while. He then said, do you want to know anything about me? I looked at his face and answered No! He said Okay and started saying things about himself. He went on and on even with the fact that I did not respond. I got to know amazing things about him. His name is Micheal, he is a biology major in his senior year. He plans to go medical school just like myself. He is super nice and pretty intelligent as well.
When I think about how the perceptual process works, I feel it is just how our brains work. However, it is our responsibility to sharpen away from that 5 seconds thinking and start a real conversation. I got to learn that without engaging in a conversation; you cannot know anything about anyone.

When i was about to start this assignment, I read the question for about five times before I could really understand what i am supposed to write about. I believe I have to start with self disclosure. To me, Self disclosure is sure one of the hardest thing to do especially if you are not sure about how you will be judged or if the person you are communicating understands the pain within your self disclosure.

While growing up, I had a hard time communicating with people. I kind of pick a particular set of people I mingle with and that’s it. Other people think it is because I am proud or just shy. Infact, the major person I dump all my feelings at is my mom, and I feel like it is because she just listens while doing chores at home. She usually doesn’t say anything but listen. This is not because I cannot pour out my feelings to other people. I was just scared that self disclosure will lead to attractions which can lead to hurt. This hurt can lead to the end of most relationships.

Another fear I feel that accompanies self disclosure is after-thought of doing it. After revealing important information about yourself to somebody else and you are having doubts or questions such as: did he/she listen to me? Can I trust him/her with such secrets or information? Can he/she disclose to me too? All these questions can stop one from involving in such conversation.

Early this year, I was in a distance relationship. My boyfriend was the quiet type. He talked less than I did. I was like the storyteller in the relationship. Because I wanted my relationship to work, I disclosed a lot about myself to him whereby I revealed my feelings, pain, future plans to him. However, things didn’t quite work because he took most of my disclosures as complaints. Self disclosure did not quite work in this case. However, self disclosure might not be an advantage in most relationship but it can help in being self authentic. The problem with that is some people do not really know who they are. They do not know their true talents or skills.

Moreover, I believe that self disclosure can lead to a better understanding of one’s authentic self. Revealing yourself to someone else can help improve what you know about yourself; As well as embracing what you know in order to be true to yourself and to others. I also believe that self disclosure to oneself is just as important and even more convenient. As for me, I write most things i think about myself in a journal. Then, I read it to myself again and again. This helps me act upon my feelings or thought in order to be the real me.

Being the real you can lead to vulnerability. It is true that being vulnerable means that one is prone to get hurt but I believe if one doesn’t know what being hurt means then you can not know what happiness really feels like. It seems like disclosure, vulnerability and authenticity goes hand in hand. When one discloses everything about oneself to another person, which shows the true authentic self,  it makes the person vulnerable to any form of consequences.

As for me, I try as much as possible to be my very authentic self but full self disclosure is not something I am sure i can engage in.